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Tim
14 September 2009 @ 10:10 pm
This spring, I was exercising all the time, and I got down to 200 pounds - 15 pounds from my weight as a college freshman. Then it got too hot to jog at the park; you're crazy if you think I'm jogging when it's 100 degrees out. I didn't pursue alternative exercise, and I started eating out a lot more. This summer, I've gained 30 pounds. Um, no.

So, I'm going to start exercising again and counting my caloric intake. I'm going to aim for 1,900-2,100 calories a day, I think. I may change it if I start exercising regularly, but I think that's where I'm going to start for now. I am NOT going to buy a new wardrobe in a larger size, no sir.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 230 pounds.
GOAL WEIGHT: 190 pounds.
TOTAL CALORIC INTAKE: 1970 calories
- Cereal and milk: 230 calories
- Taco Bell meal: 1160 calories
- Grilled cheese sandwich: 250 calories
- Tomato soup: 100 calories
- Popcorn with butter: 230 calories
EXERCISE LOG: 373 calories burned playing DDR.

Obviously, not the most nutritious day. My friend needed some social time and invited me to lunch, and I needed to eat off the dollar menu. I think my biggest weakness lately has been dairy. I snack on cheese and chocolate milk and heavily buttered popcorn. I think I'll be better about not doing that since I'll be holding myself accountable here. Counting the calories in food I make is going to be interesting, but I'll figure it out. Just cutting back on eating when I'm not hungry at all is going to help. We'll see.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day, nutritionally. I need to go shopping, I guess.
 
 
Tim
11 September 2009 @ 04:33 pm
Oh, Joe Wilson.

That was a good job you did, insulting the President on the House floor with millions of people across the country watching, wasn't it? Go you.

Of course, he apologized, and of course, it was forgiven. At least by the White House. By some other Democrats, perhaps not. That, I find, is a bit much.

House Democrats want him to apologize, just not to the White House via telephone, but also to address Representatives on the House floor and apologize. It does seem a bit odd that he refuses to do this - if you called your boss a liar during a board meeting, wouldn't you apologize to the board? You would if you wanted to keep your job. But no, not Joe Wilson!

I also think it's dumb of Democrats to insist on formally chastising him in front of the entire House if he doesn't do it. The guy knows he shouldn't have done it, or he wouldn't have called the White House to apologize. A lot of politicians don't apologize for things they shouldn't have done. I'm sure he's gotten a lot of flack for it as well. He's already stuck his foot in his mouth. People are upset with HIM. Now you're being petty and making people upset with YOU. Way to go, House Democrats.

As an aside, I read that a lot of his constituents were happy about it. Um, really? OK, I believe in free speech, but during a speech in the House on live television? I'm not saying it should be illegal, but it's frankly rude and not the smartest move. Chastise him later, write an editorial, have a news conference, send your supporters e-mails and call him a liar. Even someone's supporters aren't going to agree with them on everything, and political free speech is an important part of our democracy. But wow, that's the wrong time and place. Let's support being rude to our president! Way to go, electorate! And while those constituents will re-elect him, it seems, I'd also think that would go against him if he were to ever seek or be appointed to some higher office.

So to you, Joe Wilson, some House Democrats, and some voters in South Carolina, I say this: you're all a big pair of crazypants.
 
 
Tim
04 June 2009 @ 11:31 am
I thought it would be fun to invite my friend to lunch via a haiku text message. Here's what ensued.


Oh, fair Miss Dudley,
I propose on bended knee,
Will you lunch with me?

But of course, my heroic prince,
We shall go at twelve,
Fortwith and hence?

Yes, but in what space?
At Dave's, or a taco place?
Please, decide with haste!

It is pizza that I crave,
So for Dave's do I rave!

Oh, we are but nerds.
This exchange is so absurd!
And yet, I love it.
 
 
Tim
08 May 2009 @ 05:03 pm
For those of you who either haven't been to college or have well-to-do parents - you bastards! just kidding - I have a little tidbit for you: paying back your student loans sucks. A lot. And not in a way that any sane person would enjoy.

Since I just made loan payments and I only have $34 for the rest of the month and therefore have nothing better to do on a Friday night, here is a list of all the things I'd rather do than pay Sallie Mae.


  • EAT SNAILS. Those of you who know me in person know that I'm not a very adventurous person. Like Garfield, I'm also afraid of Jon's new recipes. It's worth it, though, to keep my firstborn child (which is equivalent to approximately two monthly payments).

  • TOUCH A GIRL'S BREASTS. Yes, I'm gay. Yes, I've done it before. (In my defense, I'd downed enough vodka to make a rhino feel relaxed.) And no, it didn't do anything for me. Honestly, after the whole milking feature, I can only view them as soft, jiggly, round pillows. But for enough cash, my hands could become breast-fanatics for about five minutes. (Six or seven maybe, if you count REALLY fast or give me a vodka IV.)

  • GO VEGETARIAN. As much as I love meat, I can go to town at the salad bar. (Except I usually put meat on the salad. Shit!) I also like soup. Mm, soup. I'd probably have to take supplements because I think beans have the culinary value of a handful of dirt, but I'd make it. So what if I'd daydream about tacos and bacon cheeseburgers and pepperoni pizza instead of cute boys? I'd probably be able to afford so much vodka that I'd forget I was hungry in the first place (or just make me not want to eat anything, besides).

  • PLAY FINAL FANTASY X-2. Oh god, what a horrible game. If I wanted to watch Charlie's Angels, I would! I traded that piece of worthless carbon in faster than Garfield can scarf down lasagna. I'm sure I'd lose a few brain cells if I picked it back up, but at least I'd earn some sort of nerd points.

  • MAKE OUT WITH JAKOB DYLAN. This one's sort of self-explanatory. With those dreamy blue eyes, who wouldn't?

  • HANG OUT WITH DUBYA. I'd only do this if I was allowed to ask, "Can you pronounce the word 'nuclear?'" and laugh profusely. Also, I'd need a strict time limit to prevent the loss of too many IQ points.

  • WATCH THE "OMG SHOES" YOUTUBE VIDEO. Some of you apparently found it amusing. I'd rather rub my face against sandpaper for an hour. Or get paid a ton of cash (obviously).

  • SLEEP WITH MIMI FROM "THE DREW CAREY SHOW." Just kidding.


Seriously, folks. This list could go on. And on. And on and on. But I'm sure you're tired of my boredom- and broke-induced drivel. I'm tired of writing it. Off to play Animal Crossing!
 
 
Tim
09 April 2009 @ 06:28 pm
Nerds are probably my favorite candy of all time. I love them. I inhale them. I devour them. They are sugar's best form. I've never had a negative experience involving Nerds. Until now.

I was laying in bed eating an economy-size box of Nerds. And to the surprise of only people who have never met me even once, I spilled a couple of them onto my bed. Because of my extreme love, I decided to eat them anyway. MISTAKE.

A few seconds after I started munching away, I noticed a weird taste in my mouth. This doesn't taste like Nerds, I thought. I looked around the room, and saw that Alice had tracked some cat litter crystals near her litter box and also in her favorite chair. That's when I realized..

..I WAS MUNCHING ON A CAT LITTER CRYSTAL.

I rushed to the bathroom sink like my tighty-whiteys were on fire. It was gross.

I have to admit, though, I'm still eating Nerds.
 
 
 
Tim
06 April 2009 @ 07:19 pm
The kids I have this week are HILARIOUS.

This morning, we were working on counting. One of my kids noticed a card that had six cherries on it from a distance. "Are those plungers?" he asked me. I kid you not. PLUNGERS. What kid talks about plungers at school?

Later we were playing with blocks, and they'd built a "restaurant." The same kid asked me what I wanted to order. "Can I have some quesadillas?" I asked. He picks up a block, hands it to me, and exclaims, "Right on, baby!" I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even reply.

I freakin' love love love my job. The only bad thing about today is that I can't stop singing. "Now you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man.."
 
 
Tim
14 March 2009 @ 03:22 pm
First off, thank you Ashley for posting about this! (Daniel, I think you did too, but one of my other friends posted about it first, haha.)

This site is really easy money! Granted, it's not much, but it's EASY. And I just got paid from them!

Basically, you just clink on links and watch short ads, and you get paid. AWESOME.

JOIN YOUDATA!

If you join from their website, add my referral code, timchurch, please. Enjoy easy money!
 
 
Tim
15 February 2009 @ 02:03 pm
I just wanted to say that I love you, friends.

That's all.

=D
 
 
Tim
26 January 2009 @ 06:07 pm
I have my window open because it's nice outside and living with smokers sucks.

This little girl comes up to my window, looking at Alice.

"Excuse me! What kind of cat is that? She's so pretty!"

Alice promptly reared up and hissed at her.

Aw, poor little girl. She was so sweet!
 
 
Tim
16 November 2008 @ 07:48 pm
I went shopping with Heidi and saw some of the craziest stuff. I laughed so hard! I was in a bad mood this morning, but I am exuberant now. Plus, I looked super cute.

On the way to Houston, we passed a vet office on 45. The sign there said, "PAY FOR VET EXAM, GET FREE CAMP DAY." We thought, what kind of camp? Pet camp? Then, even more hilarious, we imagined Alice - my cat who can't even stand the sight of her reflection, much less of another animal - "socializing at a pet camp. LAUGH RIOT.

At Huntsville Wal-Mart, the birds were out in full force today. One old couple was approaching their car and saw that it was covered by the birds. The white-haired. And I am going to apply to work at the new Olive Garden. And I'm basically really happy about everything except work tomorrow.

But today is a good day, dammit!